Comic Reviews in Haikus

Warning the following is the end result of an over-abundance of spare time, and contains numerous cynical observations and abuses of proper poetry form.


Sentinel vol. 2

One Year & Eight Months
Has Passed Since The Prior Series
But It’s Worth The Wait!

Black Panther

Hudlin Butchers
Sabertooth, Klaw, and Continuity
I Still Love This Book!


Infinite Crisis

Uncle Sam Now Dead
Phantom Lady was Impaled
We Having Fun Yet?


Supreme Power: Nighthawk

Tasteless and Nasty
Like An Unsalted Rice Cake
And Almost As Deep


Batman Books

J. Todd is Red Hood
Out to Kill Black Mask, and also
The Entire Franchise


Marvel Mangaverse

Ghost Rider as Devilman
Giant Robo but with an Iron Girl
Ben Dunn has one joke


OMAC Project

Reading DC’s Countdown, I
Joked Rocket Red Was Next
Who Knew I Was Right?

Young Avengers

Outraged Letters
Much Gay Controversy, Perhaps
Lene Taylor Might Review?


Teen Titans Go!

Warner Bros Took a Risk
But Won the Masses, Too Bad
DC Can’t Do The Same


Batman: War Crimes

Steph Brown Bleeds To Death
Leslie Murderer? Any Wonder…
Girls Just Read Manga?


Power Pack

A Kid’s First Comic
But Back When I Was a Teen
Julie Made Me Feel Funny

All Star: Batman & Robin... A nation asks why...

If you dropped by The Nexus recently you might notice some of the site's staffers haven't exactly been happy with Frank Miller and Jim Lee's new book. In fact some sound downright cranky. And let's face it fanboys... we kind of have a right to be.
With the possible exception of DC’s upcoming Infinite Crisis no book this year has received the kind of hype that All Star Batman and Robin has. The pairing of Jim Lee and Frank Miller seems a much bigger deal than Identity Crisis or any of Marvel’s recent House of M/Avengers Disassembled stunts. The only event in recent memory that comes close is Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert’s collaboration on Marvel’s 1602.Which is precisely what the comic all the more soul-crushingly disappointing.
Reading All Star Batman & Robin # 2 is to be not unlike a small child on Christmas day opening up his presents only to discover piles of socks and underwear. It’s that bad people…
It’s not bad in the way that Daniel Way’s Venom was. In that title one could at least take solace in laughing at ridiculous scenes, such as Wolverine standing at ground zero of an atomic blast only to have his shirt knocked off. It’s bad in a spectacularly depressing kind of way that makes one wonder how two such talented people could make such a wretched book.
And yet even now comic fans are still being bombarded with a degree of hype In a recent issue of Wizard Magazine editor Mike Cotton gave “Eight Reasons Why Frank Miller and Jim Lee Rank as the Best Bat-Team of All Time.” Steep praise considering only one issue of the book was out at the time of press. In this week’s issue Comic Buyer’s Guide reviewer Brett Weiss bombastically exclaimed “All-Star Batman & Robin is a beautifully drawn, tautly written piece of work that no fan of the Caped Crusader or The Boy Wonder should be without. Less has apparently dispensed with pencils and other mundane tools of the trade in favor of a magic wand (check out the Robin cover, which virtually flies off the page,) while Frank Miller’s film noir-influenced scripting is the literary equivalent of a flurry of punches from a prize fighter.”
I don’t totally disagree with that sentiment. I do feel Miller’s dialog is quite painful at times.
Particularly the opening pages of issue #2 in which we see Batman narrating “Brave Boy. Damn strong not that he’s got a PRAYER of ESCAPING my GRIP. But he‘s STRONG. Very Promising. He just might do.” Fredrick Wertham would have had a field day with this book.
Much has been over the subtext of the dialog in this issue and I can not help but think that it’s intentional. Frank Miller is not a stupid man, and while DC may try to deny it fans have long speculated the exact nature of the relationship of a wealthy bachelor and his ward. And while Miller may have not intended for his prose to imply anything sexual… it certainly is unsettling.
The bulk of the issue revolves around the Batmobile being chased about by Gotham City’s corrupt police department while Dick Grayson’s characterization scuttles back and forth between grieving and rebellious. And Batman acts like a creepy, and not in the good kind of way.
While it would be easy to blame the whole mess on Frank Miller’s script… but from the gratuitous panty shots of Vicki Vale in the first issue, to the overly muscular Alfred, to the ludicrous un-aerodynamic Batmobile Jim Lee’s art reeks of a manner of loud artistic over-indulgence seldom seen since the 90s. At least he seems to be having fun.
But perhaps what’s the most frustrating aspect of this books is that two issues into this title the series, if not the All Star line seems to have a major league identity crisis. One moment we’re told that this is a return to the “Iconic” Batman & Robin (whatever that means) and it’s NOT and an “Ultimate style re-imagining.” Then the next we’re told it’s ok if this incarnation of Batman doesn’t act like any previous versions of the character because this is all new and set outside of the DC Universe. They want to have their cake and eat it too.